So it was just today I realized (probably not for the first time) that my goals with photography don't match the practices of my lifestyle. For all of the idealized notions I have about the world my refusal to try to actualize or follow them may just make me a giant hypocrite. Those infinitesimal moments I pine over are there. I don't follow them anymore, I don't even look for them. Lately I have been too selfish with living than to develop an objective eye. Forget about any reflection of the photographer a picture may contain, or any statement made, I am simply failing to record.
I don't really carry a camera anymore. And when I do, I don't think about it too much. The only picture I took this week was when someone asked me to take a picture of them. That's what I've been expecting. It really makes me sorry to lose these small moments of time, no matter how minute or transient they seem.
Far more important than my shooting habits is a change in my own perspective. I judge everyone. This might not be a problem if my sole focus in photography wasn't portraiture and pictures of people. I remember talking about the lost imaginations of adults and the active process of 'choosing' in photography while writing my SVA introduction letter. How am I supposed to reveal someone's character when I pidgeon-hole them?
I am at the same time entirely empathetic and apathetic to the content of any person's true character. The only thing bridging the gap here is effort. I find I am very introspective, and have defined philosophies and thoughts. But I tend to stay there. People surprise me and I tend to surprise myself when I actually make the effort to climb out of my own head. Things can get real. I just haven't been letting them.
Nothing has changed. Life is as it always has been, hidden in plain sight. What is a character flaw now I believe is something that can be learned. The merger of the two sides of my mind, the 'ideal world' and my 'conflict with reality' are going eliminate this great oversight. I just want to say thank you to a few people for talking with me about this, and some random people who have pushed me/made me think about it. Everything is going to change. If it doesn't, I'll have this post... this realization to look back on. If nothing changes, I am just running away.
On a non-serious, entirely post worthy note: I just got my background support stand for the family reunion photographs. I know I will be doing white seamless shots, but I need to think about poses, focal lengths, groups.... basically what my focus will be with this upcoming project. I am going to have to figure out how to light them since my wireless triggers have died on me. Maybe I will try to rent some PocketWizards for a day.
I just wanted to stick http://www.eddieadamsworkshop.com/ in this post too so I don't forget about it one day. It looks great.
I've also stumbled upon the work of Andrea Galvani ( it would be a shame not to feature a picture in this post ) I wish I had the time to actually find someone myself, but I barely have enough time to read my blog feeds. So credit to them on the find. I'm just echoing their good taste! The perspective reminds me of Galatea of Spheres by Dali, my favorite of his. Also for some reason moving pictures has been very problematic lately. I can't move it away from the top. I don't know whether it is my layout or just Blogger itself, but I may make the move to WordPress if I find that easier. We'll see.
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